spookymormon: spookymormon: my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great
kalories: how many times can someone leave your door open before you’re allowed to kill them
lovability: conor-cymex: mydogsnokes: i will not buy flowers for a girl because flowers are stupid and worthless and they die like really fast. get a girl a rock. rocks are strong. rocks don’t die after 2 days diamond the word you’re looking for is diamond omfg
lolsofunny: seriously whAT KIND OF SICK PERSON PUTS A ZEBRA IN A COLORING BOOK time to shine
multipack: sorry but i think we should break up, it’s not you it’s-a-me mario
jaaaaaaaaaackfrost: how the fuck are all these people able to just run into celebrities in restaurants and gas stations and shit i’m lucky if i find two matching socks in a load of laundry on the first try
hipsterinatardis: Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.
imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.
I’m sooo in love with you